Too often, we let frustration get the best of us. I thought about this last night as I struggled with getting my newly stringed guitar in tune, something I’ve yet to master. I’d worked five shifts in three days and wanted to relax with my new hobby, but things weren’t going so well. I know tuning a guitar is something you can learn to do with practice, but I was tired and didn’t have the energy for learning any new tricks. As my brother-in-law is fond of saying, I just wanted things to work.
But things don’t always work the way we want, and they seldom happen as fast as we’d like. These are the realities that frustrate us, the things that piss us off, and the things that make us want to quit. But before you give up, I’d like you to ask yourself what your frustration is telling you. Believe it or not, there’s a message there. There’s always a message and it’s our job to receive it and pore over it until we understand it.
With that in mind, here are just a few of the things your frustration could be telling you.
It really matters to you.
If you’re trying to accomplish something but find yourself struggling, then it probably means something to you. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t bother with the struggle. The frustration you’re feeling is an indication that you really want this thing, and that means it’s worth slowing down for and worth breaking down into tiny steps. It’s worth the time, the effort, and, yes, even the frustration.
Take a deep breath, exhale, and then repeat as needed. Remind yourself that this is important to you and that you’re in it for the long haul.
You need some help.
Your frustration could be an indication that you just need some input or assistance. No one is more guilty than I am of trying to go it alone. I am only now learning to ask for help, but each time I do, my world expands. I gain new information and insight and deepen my connection with others.
My good friend, Whitney, is twenty years my junior but he’s also a musician who knows far more about the guitar than I do because he has ten years of experience with the instrument and I have only four weeks. I call him and text him with routine questions like what are the best strings to buy and whether I should be learning on an acoustic or an electric guitar. He gives me his opinion, I learn something, and our friendship deepens because we also end up talking about our love of music, our favorite artists, the fun of playing, and all our hopes and dreams. One night he helped me replace my strings and we ended up listening to a recording of some music he’d created for a project. This is the stuff that friendships are made of.
So, never be afraid to ask for help, even if you think you really don’t need it. You probably do.
You’re moving too fast.
I have a business idea and I’d love to launch it today, but I realize there are steps to building it. At first, this reality frustrated me. I wanted it all and I wanted it now. But now, I can see that this is liberating. I don’t have to do everything at once. I can focus on step one. Working on step three, at this point, would be foolish.
Maybe you have a dream that you’ve been working towards and you find yourself becoming impatient with the pace, so impatient that you’ve leapt over a few steps. Take some time to think about what your dream really requires, map it out, and walk the route you see before you. See the bridges and cross the one that’s in front of you.
You’re moving too slow.
Boredom is another kind of frustration, the kind that’s born of a lack of challenge. When I was a teenager, one of my favorite comedians was Steve Martin. I had all his albums. It would have suited me just fine if he’d gone on doing stand up comedy forever, but it wouldn’t have suited him. He would have been going through the motions and I would have been denied the joy of witnessing his many reincarnations as an actor, a novelist, and most recently, a recording artist releasing an album of his banjo music.
When asked in a recent interview how he selects his projects, he simply said he follows his interests and that he likes to get things “on the shelf”.
Maybe you’re frustrated because you’ve been there and done that. Whereas when you’re moving too fast you could be skipping steps, when you’re moving too slow you could be stuck in a step, taking it over and over because it’s comfortable and familiar. But it’s also frustrating, because you’re not getting anywhere and you’re no longer growing. Maybe it’s time to stretch out your leg and take the next step.
You’re tired and need some rest.
I believe this is one of the most common messages frustration sends. I can’t begin to tell you how many problems have been solved and how many fears have been dissolved when I simply get a good night’s sleep. After that, I feel better, have more energy, and think more clearly.
When you’re exhausted, your spirit is drained and your mind and body simply don’t function very well. This is just a biological fact. I simply wasn’t up to the task of learning to tune a guitar last night. This morning, when I awoke, I had the patience and will to sit down and do what I needed to do.
When you’re on a journey and you’re tired, you may feel like calling the whole thing off. But rather than turning around and heading back, you may just need to pull over for the night and get some rest. Even race cars make pit stops.
What’s frustration telling you?
I’ve given you a few possible messages your frustration might be trying to send you, but it will be up to you to determine what’s really being said. Once you get the message, you can take the proper action to get yourself back on track again.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this! So often we think of ‘bad emotions’ as things we’re just supposed to run from or numb. It’s so much better when we realize that they are just emotions — and that they’re there to tell us something.
All the best!
deb
Hi, Deb. I was just recently reading something about paying attention to all our emotions, the good, the bad, and the ugly. While I once wrote about not trusting a bad mood, it doesn’t hurt to try and understand what it’s really trying to say.
Bravo, Ken! I think you are so right. Another one that I’ve found is that sometimes, we just need to feel mastery over something, just need that ego boost or comfort or whatever of doing something that we are already good at, and often when you are learning a new thing, you don’t feel that way, and you just need a little taste to remind you, yes, eventually I will get there with this activity, too. I think that we might need a small break to do things over which we have mastery, , even if it’s something like dishes, or that we need to be reminded that we will eventually master the new thing with enough time and effort is something else frustration can be telling us. Similar to the pit stop for the race car but a little different. Great post.
By the way, Darcy. I’ve been watching your antics on Facebook. You’re kicking butt.
I like looking at frustration as the Universe’s way of letting me know there’s a lesson, a reflection of self, going on that is addressable. It doesn’t mean I have to address it, that’s my choice in action. But it’s there. And it’ll be there in some form or another until I do address it, or practically, realistically, die.
Peace.
@vinylart
Good article. So many points are just like me. Wanting my business to evolve RIGHT NOW. Patience is not something I am good at. The sleep part is huge too. I can be doing everything correct on a project, but as soon as I tired ,I start second-guessing myself and my confidence goes out the window!
Yes, FranticMommy. I know what you mean. My friend Barbara Winter says you have to learn to be patient and impatient at the same time, which be quite a funky tightrope to walk.