How to Be Authentic with People Who Love You but Don’t Understand You – Part 5

You’ve heard my pleas. Thus far in this series, How to Be Authentic with People Who Love You but Don’t Understand You, I’ve asked you to:

1. Stop demanding that people understand you.

2. Stop asking people to give you what you won’t give yourself.

3. Stop asking people to give you what they don’t have to give.

Today, in this final piece, I’m going to ask you to:

Stop Robbing People of the Opportunity to Grow

This is the thing that I do best. I’m not saying that I’m the best at doing it, but of all the things I do, this is what I do best.

There are an infinite number of things at which I’m truly terrible.

I’d make a horrible accountant. I’m good with numbers, but really awful at putting things in the appropriate columns. I was a terrible manager. I never really wanted to find a way to get people to do things they’d never do if not for a paycheck. I could go on, but life is short.

What I do here I’ve been doing all my life. I think I got it from my father. I can see him tilting his head to the left, a sign that he was about to share something he’d been puzzling over. “You know,” he’d say, “I’ve been thinking . . .”

I’ve been thinking too. I’ve been thinking for almost 42 years. I’ve been questioning. I’ve been wondering. I’ve been curious.

The only difference now is that I’m free to think and question and wonder and satisfy my curiosity as much as I desire. I’m free to do that, because I finally gave myself permission to do the thing that I do best.

I’ve done lots of other things too. Some of them earned me praise. Some of them earned me money. Some of them earned me recognition. But none of them ever came close to earning me the deep sense of reward I get from doing this. None of them ever meant so much, and none of them ever meant as much as it seems to mean to the people who’ve been leaving comments and writing me letters.

I don’t really give a rip anymore if some people don’t get it. I get it and you get it and there are more of us out there and I’d like to meet them. I bet you would too. Our message is simple. All we are saying, to paraphrase John Lennon, is give bliss a chance.

But if I don’t live that message and you don’t live that message, then no one will get the message. And that’s the thing about the message; it has to be lived and it has to be lived out in the open. To do anything less is to rob the world of a chance to receive it.

Anything Less Than Your Best is Theft

If you go into hiding, you’re robbing everyone around you of your greatest gifts. And it doesn’t matter if your family recognizes it or not. Either way, if you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll be robbing them.

They need, like we all need, examples of bravery. They need examples of what bliss looks like and what it can accomplish. And if it scares the hell out of them, if it pains them to face it, they still need it because they need the opportunity to grow. They may not seize it, just like the proverbial horse who’s been lead to water but refuses to drink, but they still need it. Don’t take it away from them. Don’t rob them of the thing that you do best.

Giving Into Dumb Requests is Theft

They dumbed us down in school. They strapped us into neckties and pantyhose at work. And for some of us, our families asked us to just be quiet.

They thought they wanted robots and they got them. When our schools got them, their drop out rates soared, their test scores plummeted, and no one understands why. When our companies got them, they churned out products that looked like they were made by robots and they can’t understand why nobody wants them. When our families got them, they got predictable days filled with predictable conversations.

And every time we gave them what they wanted, we robbed them. We robbed them of our best. We robbed them of our ideas and our energy and imagination.

If you turn yourself down and find a spot where everyone can keep an eye on you in order to feel safe and secure, you’re robbing them.

You’re robbing them of adventure. You’re robbing them of real solutions. You’re robbing them of new insights and new challenges. You’re robbing them of the chance to grow.

Protecting Them from the Truth is Theft

It’s like being an over protective parent who never allows their child a single bump or bruise. Sure, living free of even the smallest injury sounds great. But in reality, where there’s no discomfort, there’s no development.

Your family isn’t an ant colony. They don’t need another carbon copy worker ant. They need a butterfly. They need someone with wings who can look back, smile and say, “Hey everybody, watch this!”

Your kids need it. Your spouse needs it. Your parents, brothers, sisters, and cousins need it. You need it. Your entire family, the human family, needs it.

So when will you begin to give it? If you’ve been reading this blog, you know my philosophy. You don’t have to go big. You just have to go. You don’t have to take a giant leap. You just have to start stepping forward. You don’t have to shout. You can whisper. You don’t have to do everything. You just have to do something and do it daily.

You don’t have to turn your world upside down to start turning your life around, but you have to start turning. Don’t miss your turn. And don’t rob the people who love you of the detour of a lifetime.

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Tagged as: Be Authentic