I’m the same type of person. People pleaser my whole life and mostly miserable because of it. Crazy though if you think of the toll this has on you.

7 years ago I hit rock bottom (well I sure hope that’s what it was) . I could not think for myself at all and every decision had to have some sort of approval outside of myself or I would not move. I was always grumpy, frustrated and really not very pleasant to be around as well as totally paralyzed. Fortunately for me, 5 years ago I was “forced” outside of my usual everyday life for 6 months thanks to a work situation that sent me 5 hours away from my home, family and normal routine. I have a wife and 3 kids so to me this was not a good thing – I was not happy about it. However it turned out the be a life saver because during that time I had a ton of alone time while working to think about things I never had time to think about. One day the fog cleared long enough for me to see a few things in my life I never ever saw before. One of those was the fact I needed to stop following other people and start doing what I want. I needed to take charge of my life and my dreams or I would NEVER get to them. I remember coming home armed with that revelation and knowing I was a new man. And I was.

Things are better today but as Ken wrote here I still have a lot of pounds to shed. And thanks to this wonderful website I have and will shed even faster than before. Thanks for being the sunshine that’s burning yet more fog away Ken!!! Keep on sharing with us!

Thanks,
Mo

Wow. The path you are on lately is hitting home with me, big time. Much of my adult life has been trying to make other people happy & not get them mad/upset/irritated/etc at me. I really just wanted to be liked. To the point that 2 years ago I got so depressed I didn’t know what to do. I mean I literally had no idea what the hell I was doing or who I was. That isn’t to say I didn’t function, I did. Only point is, when you’re living for others you will never ever please them. There is always something.

That’s when it got in my head to work at being more brave, listening to myself more, and trying very hard not to feel like I had to get approval for each choice I make.

This is where what you talk about, you know, the story comes into play. Not hanging on to it. It would be super easy to say well, I don’t get support, my family is so darn critical, what’s the point I’m not really good at any ONE thing…only that isn’t really living true. They are all just stories. I’m on this “freedom” journey where I want to shed all that BS and move past it into something real & alive. Not staying in the story or hurts. Each day I take it a little bit at a time. Sometimes I fall back but from what I keep hearing, that happens. So I will march forward. I finding it kind of exciting, scary, weird, lovely, peaceful, hard, and all that good stuff. Getting to know me & letting people see it, is wonderful.

Having a place to share things is so invaluable & learning from other people experiences is groovy too! It always helps to not feel alone in this complex ride called life.

I wish more people understood and could grasp the full impact of this mindset.

Thanks for another insightful post.

Sandy