Collect Your Thoughts: Shedding the Shoulds

Should you or shouldn’t you? That is the question. That’s what you might think it is, anyway. But the real question is whether or not you choose to.

To lead a life of quiet inspiration, the only thing you should be doing is taking ownership, and that means ridding yourself of a lot of unnecessary rules.

I call this shedding the shoulds.

Shoulds in the Shadows

Shoulds can be sneaky things. They hang out in the shadows of your mind and quietly build resentment.

It’s your job to shine a light on them and expose them for what they are: a lot of nonsense.

What You Really Want is Probably Not What You Think You Should Want

No one wants to do something because they feel they have to, or because they tell themselves they should. You’re no different. You want to do things because you choose to.

But far too often, you tell yourself you should do things or be things or have things because they’re, well, the things you think you should want to do or be or have.

You tell yourself you should want more out of life without ever considering what would actually be enough for you. Or you tell yourself you should want less without considering what it is you really require to be satisfied.

You buck for the next promotion or aim for the corner office because after all, you tell yourself, someone with your background, education, and IQ score should want those things. You sweat and you toil to buy the big house with the picket fence and the three-car garage because you believe that’s what success should look like.

But the only thing you should be is honest with yourself. The only things you should have are the things you require to feel whole. The only things you should do are the things that fall in line with who you really are and what you truly value.

Creative Shoulds

It’s no different with creativity. People have all kinds of ideas about what it should be.

You might believe creative people should be wildly successful in terms of income, fame, and acceptance. Or you might believe they should be penniless and obscure and rejected for their vision. Even stranger, you might subscribe to both beliefs at once.

You think things should be easy; you think things should be hard. You think you should sacrifice everything for your art; you think you should sacrifice nothing. You think you should plan and prepare to the point of perfection; you think you should be able to wing it. You think you should move faster; you think you should slow down.

The Shoulds You Tell Yourself

The reason you can host two opposing shoulds is because they have no roots in reality. They only exist in your mind.

They may have been planted there by someone else, but you’re the one keeping them there. They’re really just stories you tell yourself, but stories can be rewritten.

It’s Time for a Rewrite

Whether we write our own life stories or have them dictated to us is matter of whether we live according to the choices we make or the rules we impose on ourselves.

We can’t choose all the things that happen to us, be we can always choose our responses. Choosing is the way we write our life stories rather than having them written for us.

Every time you shed a should, state a preference, and make a decision you are rewriting your own story.

Getting those shoulds down on paper is a great way to start deciding what you’re going to edit out of your life and what you’re going to start penciling in.

The Shoulds in Black and White

Grab your notebook and reserve a few pages for jotting down any and all shoulds you come across. Read over them and question them, challenge them. Ask yourself why they’re there. What purpose are they serving? Are they moving you forward or are they merely making you and everyone else comfortable?

Become a top-notch should detector. Once you detect them, you can do something about them. You can erase them and replace them something better, namely your preferences.

For every should you come across, look for the preference underneath. Notice what you think it is you have to do, and then find out what it is you really want to do.

Ask yourself what the harm would be in letting go of the former and grabbing hold of the latter. Will blood run in the streets? Will the world end? If not, then ditch the should, state your preference, and follow through on it.

This is how you let go of resentment and lower your resistance. This is how you begin to take responsibility and ownership. This is how you start to become whole.

Out of Slavery and Into Artistry

Shedding the shoulds and stating your preferences is also the gateway to getting creative. You stop seeing yourself as a slave to a set of rigid rules and begin seeing yourself as an artist making creative choices.

You like this, not that. You will try this, not that. You will go with red, not blue. You will write a mystery, not a romance. You will define success, not let it be defined for you.

Shoulds Are Poison

Let me state this in stronger terms. When it comes to living a creative life, shoulds are like venom. They’re poison. They kill innovation. They destroy motivation. But choice is the anti-venom. It revives you and rids you of the feeling of being helpless and trapped.

Shedding the shoulds and replacing them with your own real preferences and true decisions empowers you. The more you do this, the more alive you will feel. You will become an adventurer instead of an indentured servant.

So grab a pen and jot down all the shoulds you can find, replace them with your true desires, and begin the rewrite of a lifetime.