Live Your Life: 5 Reasons You Might as Well Be Authentic

One of the things I’ve learned from blogging is that the more honest you are, the more people seem to respond.  I guess there’s something about being human that attracts other humans. 

Maybe it’s because so often our schools and workplaces and even our families and friends seem dead set on drumming the humanity out of us. 

We’re often expected to be bland, saintly, non-gender specific, politically correct, polished and spit-shined worker bees who do as we’re told so everyone can feel safe, warm, and fuzzy.  And that’s nice.  Real nice.  It’s just not very interesting.  And it’s certainly not creative.

Being mildly creative isn’t about being timid and sweet and playing it safe.  It’s about slowing down enough to notice what’s going on around you and inside you, so you can find out what you like, what you don’t, and where you want to go.  And it’s about taking steps in that direction even if they seem laughably tiny.

If that leads you to a love of classical music, yoga, and sixty-minute walks along pristine beaches, that’s great.  But it’s equally great if it leads you to a love of death metal, slam dancing, and ten minute sets at a smoke-filled comedy club.  You can learn to relax and still rock the house.

A key principle of being mildly creative is living your life; to do that, you’ll need to be yourself.  After all, if you’re going to live in this world, you might as well be authentic and here are five reasons why.

1.  It’s the Fair Thing to Be

In the past couple of years, I’ve had the opportunity to meet some of my heroes, and I discovered something that should have been no surprise.  They’re human.

They’re imperfect.  They have strengths and weaknesses.  They get themselves entangled in some of the same petty squabbles you and I find ourselves in from time to time. 

I guess I was surprised because many times our heroes have worked very hard to present themselves as heroes, as men and women who have found the answers to the mysteries of life and are thus worthy of our adoration and imitation.

And you and I can be guilty of building people up as something akin to flawless Greek gods only to later rip them to shreds when we notice the first small blemish.  Life would be a whole lot easier if we were all willing to admit how difficult it can be.  It would certainly be the fair and honest thing to do.

Some time ago, I confessed on my blog that I was not a religious person.  I was afraid to do this. I thought I might run off people who are. But I also knew I didn’t want to pretend. I wanted to be honest about who I am and let the chips fall where they may.

I think I’m a spiritual person, but that’s a funky word that can mean a lot of things.  Basically, I don’t believe in anything that can’t be questioned. Too many people, in my opinion, walk around pounding their chests with a great deal of unearned certainty.  The world is full of unknowns and I’ve made my peace with that. 

I’m also at peace with the fact that people are going to disagree with me. They don’t have to believe that everything I think, say, and do is gold in order to be my friend.  I hope they’ll return the favor. It seems like the fair thing to do.

2.  Once You Get the Hang of It, It’s a Whole Lot Easier than the Alternative

In my first attempts at blogging, I tried to present an image.  That’s not a bad thing, but the image I was trying to present was a borrowed one.  In fact, I was borrowing several, which is what happens when you’re not being yourself.  And, if you’re forgetful like me, you forget which of the borrowed masks you’re supposed to be wearing on any given day.

It takes a lot of energy to decide which mask you’re going to wear, what costume you’re going to don, what parts of yourself you’re going to bury and hide.  And it’s painful and unhealthy to walk around all day wearing spiritual clothing that doesn’t fit.

You might find it scary at first to be yourself if you’re not used to it, especially if the people around you aren’t used to it.  But the more you do it, the easier it becomes.  You don’t have to lie.  You don’t have to hide.  You learn to say, “This is who I am.  I hope you like it, but even if you don’t, at least you know who you’re dealing with.”

There had been a strain in my marriage for a long, long time.  I think both Carol and I were trying to be what we thought the other person wanted, and when that didn’t match who we really were, it built resentment.  But somewhere along this mildly creative journey of mine, I realized I had to tell her who I was, and I did.

I came home, sat her down, and told her all the things that really mattered to me and all the things that didn’t.  I told her about the things I really believed and the  things I never did and never would.  I told her about the things I was going to try to do and the things I was never going to try again.  I told her that I loved her and that I preferred her to all others, but I also told her that if being myself meant she had to reject me, I would survive.

The change was almost immediate.  Today, we accept, respect, and enjoy each other a great deal more.  And things are just a whole lot easier.

3.  You’ll Attract People You Actually Enjoy Being Around

Some people are never going to get you.  They’re not going to get why you do the things you do, love the things you love, want the things you want. And that’s okay.  If you want to be who you are, you have to let others do the same.

But some people are going to know precisely why you’re the way you are or will at least be interested in learning.  They might even love you for it and you just might love them back and build some of the deepest, most rewarding relationships of your life.

In order to do that, however, you’ll have to let them see the deepest, truest parts of yourself.  You’ll have to put yourself on a platter and let people have a sample.  Some will take a whiff, turn up their noses, and walk away.  But others will find you delightful and ask for more.

4.  You’ll Find Energy You Never Knew You Had

I used to be a speech therapist.  And I hated it.  To make matters even worse, I felt guilty for hating it because I loved the people I served.

But loving people wasn’t enough.  I discovered you had to love the way in which you loved them too.

I was trying to deny who I was in some weird attempt at martyrdom.  If I’m a good person, I told myself, I’ll help these people even if I don’t enjoy it.

But every single day I woke up with ten pounds of dread on my chest.  Speech therapy is repetitive work.  You have to lead people through exercises where they practice saying the same thing, making the same sound, or completing the same task over and over and over and over again.  You also have to keep track of their success, making little tally marks of their hits and misses.  And much of the work is performed in small, quiet rooms where you sit for hours at a time.

If you could have stepped inside my brain, you would have heard a trillion screaming neurons begging for mercy.  I simply wasn’t engineered with this kind of work in mind.  I have two modes in which I operate: crowd mode and loner mode.  When I’m in crowd mode, I want to be moving about, talking with anyone and everyone, flailing my arms about, cracking corny jokes, and having a high old time.  When I’m in loner mode, I want to be alone with my books and my music and my writing.  I want to think and think deep.  Speech therapy allowed for neither of these, and I constantly felt drained.

Today I do two things; I wait tables and I do this.  Crowd mode.  Loner mode.  I’ve never felt so alive.  If I ever stop waiting tables, I know I’ll have to replace it with something where I can go into crowd mode.  Don’t worry.  I’ve got lots of ideas.

The point of all this is that being authentic and doing the kinds of things that match your personality, utilize your greatest strengths, and tap into your inner genius will provide you with an energy that will pull you out of bed in the morning and even sustain you through the tough times.  But go against your grain and you will feel zapped and, on many days, you will struggle with simply getting out of bed.

With the energy that comes from being authentic you’ll be far more capable of helping others than you’d be dragging yourself across the floor to each new appointment.

5. Overtime, You’ll Get Better at Being You

With your new found energy and endurance, you’ll be more apt to stay the course.  If you stay the course, keep your focus, and do your work you’ll find yourself getting better.  Your writing will improve.  Your drawings will be more imaginative.  Your business will grow.  There’ll be more of you in your work than there’s ever been and you will be somehow bigger, bolder, smarter, happier.

And in case you don’t know it, that’s attractive.  People like to be around people who are comfortable in their own skin.  As Carol likes to tell me, “Confidence is sexy.”  And I really want her to think I’m sexy, so I’m constantly working on it.  And the only way I’ve found to build my confidence is to practice being myself each and every day.

I Might as Well Summarize

Okay, so there you have it.  Being authentic is the fair thing to be, it’s easier than the alternative once you get the hang of it, it attracts people you’ll actually like spending time with, it will provide you with sustainable energy, and it can lead to a bigger, better you.

And besides, if you’re not willing to be you, no one will, so you might as well be the one.