Today’s drawing was inspired by this photo.
I spent years doing almost nothing I wanted to do. I really don’t know why.
I guess I thought it was unimportant. Or maybe I thought it was selfish. In either case, I was wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.
When I lived as if my own desires weren’t important, nothing seemed important. The world was bland and life was blah. When I was working hard to be completely unselfish, I became the very opposite. I grew bitter and withdrawn and my heart felt deserted and boarded up.
I guess I wasn’t cut out to be a martyr or saint. For my family’s sake, I’m glad I figured that out. My quest for canonization made me almost impossible to live with.
Here’s what’s funny.
When I started giving a damn about my own dreams, I started caring about everyone else’s too. When I started doing things I wanted to do, I became interested in what others were doing.
I’m no longer bitter, I’m more outgoing, and my heart has opened up. I don’t clench my fists or stiffen my back or grind my teeth like I used to.
And maybe it’s just me, but my family seems happier too. I think giving myself permission to be happy made it easier for those around me to do the same.
Life isn’t perfect; my family and I don’t live inside a Precious Moments snow globe, but at least we don’t live in a war zone anymorer.
What’s the moral of this story? Selfish is as selfish doesn’t.
Extreme self denial is not an act of love. It’s a form of neglect. When you practice it, you’re not just denying yourself; you’re withholding yourself. In contrast, if you do something you want to do, you’ll have something you want to share (a part of yourself) with others.
Don’t be selfish. Do something you love.
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you Ken. Thank you.
Big hugs, this was beautiful. Well put. And oh so very timely.
.-= Connie´s last blog ..I Promise Myself Revisited =-.
Thanks, Connie. So was your latest post. I Promise Myself Revisited
Ken, this post really resonated with me. I have spent years doing almost nothing I wanted to do, and having a job that is toxic to me. I am trying to give myself permission to be happy, but it’s a huge transition and one I am not very good at so far. But your post gives me hope, and maybe that’s the first step, right? Thank you for sharing that.
It’s cliche, but it works. Take one step at a time. Start doing something that makes you happy today. Don’t wait for big changes or sweeping changes. Change seldom comes that way.
If you can only open the door a crack, that’s a start. Then keep pushing gently. You don’t have to kick it down.
Hi Ken ~ I’m a new reader through Barbara Winter’s Facebook post. Thank you so much for writing this. I just came to this universal discovery this weekend and am in the middle of processing it. I liked your comment about taking one step at a time. That’s what I plan on doing. Thanks again!
I’m glad you found your way here, Jen. Feel free to share what you’re learning anytime.
Love your blog, can relate, at last doing almost
daily what I love, art!
Feels good, doesn’t it?
Love, love, love this! I’ve been working through this same idea for the last few months. It’s good to hear it in your words and to know that I’m on a good path.
Ken
What wisdom to stumble upon on a sunny Tuesday morning! Thank you.
“Extreme self denial is not an act of love. It’s a form of neglect.” – an eloquent and memorable way to remind ourselves that self-love comes before loving externally, whether people or career.
I’ll give you one back:”Stop and smell the children.” Too many people feel cornered into delaying parenting until their children are already grown up – by jobs, by social pressure, by money or a lack of it, real or imagined.
Have a meaningful day.
Simon
your words can
1) make people switch careers
2) make people end careers
3) (read 1 and 2 replacing the word careers with relationships)
4) make people thank you in unusual ways