Once upon a time (I think it was last week), I wanted to be better. A better husband, a better father, a better friend, a better person.
I also wanted to do better. Write better, draw better, eat better, think better.
There’s nothing wrong with all of this, of course. The desire to make things better is, after all, a very human instinct.
What’s Better?
The tricky part, I’ve found, is defining what better is.
Let’s take the better husband bit as an example. Would I be a better husband if I always opened the door for Carol? made dinner more often? bought her a diamond ring?
Perhaps, but a lot of that depends on Carol. Does she want me to open the door? Maybe she likes making dinner and would prefer that I wash the dishes instead. Maybe she’d rather go on a cruise than wear a diamond ring.
Better Not Assume
If I assume I know what being a better husband entails, I might overlook what Carol actually wants and needs from me. I do this sometimes. I offer advice when she wants to be heard. I try to cheer her up when she wants to be left alone. I make big plans for the night when she’s really looking forward to a quiet evening.
Better Pay Attention
My intentions are good, but my attention is lacking. I’m working so hard to be better, I forget to be present and thus fail to notice what better really is.
Better Pay Attention
I think it’s the same with art.
For example, you might think drawing better means drawing more accurate lines and curves. So every time your drawing strays away from what you first imagined, you get frustrated.
You might crumple up the paper or even call it a day. But if you do, you could be missing out on what’s beautiful about your drawing. You could be failing to notice just how interesting your inaccurate lines really are.
Better Look Again
In her book, On Becoming an Artist, Ellen J. Langer notes that mistakes are context-dependent. “In one context a mistake is an error, while in another it can be a surprise advantage,” she writes.
What we call mistakes are really just deviations from the plans we’ve made. And when it’s our plan to get better, we can get pretty rigid about what that would look like. Anything different than what we’ve planned and predicted is then deemed a failure. That’s too bad, because our so called blunders can be the seeds of wonder if we let them be.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve, but to really do so, we need to be willing to be surprised, even by ourselves.
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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Now that’s a way I have never looked at it. I’ve focused on getting better as improving a skill. But looking at it with the perspective of others and how they view what you are doing is a new light for me. Thanks!
.-= Jeremy Johnson´s last blog ..The Ant Philosophy =-.