Do you ever lie to yourself? I know I do. For instance . . .
Sometimes, I tell myself I don’t know what to do when I really don’t want to do it.
Other times, I tell myself I don’t know what I want to do, when I really don’t know why.
And worst of all, I tell myself I don’t know why when I actually know quite well. I just don’t think my why is good enough.
I think I need a big, fat reason, one that’s practical or other-worldly.
On the practical end, I tell myself things like, “You can’t just blog to make a few, new friends. You have to attract a big readership or build a huge customer base. Then you’ll have a number to track. Everybody knows you gotta have a number.”
On the other-worldly end, I say things like, “You can’t just draw because it’s interesting. You should be seeking to become transcendent, enlightened, and inexplicably one with the intelligence of the cosmos, whatever that is.”
But it’s really not helpful to make up bogus reasons. They tend to demotivate you.
It’s better to just be honest. I’m doing this because it’s fun. I’m doing this because I like it. I’m doing this because I think I’ll just go crazy if I don’t.
Do you want to feed the hungry? What reasons do you need? They’ll get fed and you’ll feel better. Sounds good enough to me.
Want to take up painting but don’t know why? How about you’ve always liked the smell of paints? Or maybe you just want an excuse to wear a smock.
After a long period of wrestling with why I want to do the things I want to do, I settled on the following:
There’s only one person I spend all my time with. Me. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with that guy, I’d like to keep him interesting, so I need to give him interesting things to do and think about.
And that’s pretty much it.
It’s not that practical. You can’t measure it, track it, or even spend it for heaven’s sake.
It’s not spiritually mind blowing. No one’s going to canonize me for it.
It is, however, honest. It lifts me out of a slump. It gets me unstuck. What else do I need it to do?
If you can’t find a big, fat reason to do something you want to do, try giving up the search. A small, honest reason is probably all you need.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Sometimes we have to do something we want to do in order to start figuring out why we want to do it. It may come from the core self, where our gifts and natural way of being reside. It may come from our values, the things we appreciate the most. That doesn’t have to be deep. It may just mean something is really a blast to do.
And, as you have probably noticed, I keep returning in my thinking to the “why” being the discovery. Why do something? To see what it’s like. To find out if it really matters, and in what way, and where that will lead me. No clue where it might take me, except to other new paths to explore.
Why? Because there’s so much to learn. And so much to try out. So much to get good at. And so much to become.
Love this post.
Goal-setting gurus are always expounding upon finding “intrinsic motivation” to do things, and the emphasis always drifts toward big, fact reasons. Thank you for pointing out that the greatest intrinsic motivation can come from delightfully idiosyncratic reasons. I’m increasingly convinced that those are the best reasons of all.
I hear you
I just don’t want anyone to get hurt
As someone who is always looking for those big, fat reasons…I just love this line: “maybe you just want an excuse to wear a smock” Love it! Thanks so much for writing this.
It’s as good a reason as any.